Hannah, do not live in the fear and hurt of the past. You are here right now with God's love and protection, safe and blessed. Hold fast to Him and be strong. Don't forget your dream. Never look back again, it is all past. Trust Him and open your heart to Him!

     中午在大槐树下打坐默想，那一刻，与自己的心安息在午后知了的喧嚣和阵阵的凉风中，合上沉重的眼皮，好舒服。重新整理的时候，忽然发现撒旦不知何时又悄悄潜入我的心，好狡猾，真是时常需要警醒和争战，stand firm in God and keep your heart in His hand, Hannah, do not leave Him and do it all by yourself. I hope you can win over yourself and the devil by Him and get His blessing, Hannah. Take courage and have faith! Pray for His power, guide and protection, God is watching over you, He is your loving father. Fight back the devil by proclaiming the Truth. Resist the devil and follow Him!  

   Dear Lord, I came to realize I have spent too much money on meaningless and worthless things when I heard Ash talk about her visit to the orphanage yesterday. Dear Lord, you know how sorry I am----there are many people in need but I just wasted what you have given me to fill my own pride and vanity, such futile things like nail polisher and beautiful clothes. I know you want me to look good, but I just went too far. Sometimes I just use all these things to be more confident, they are becoming the source of my confidence and turning me away from you who gives me real worth and identity. Dear Father, plz forgive me and help me know more about my worth in you and let you be my pride.Teach me about self-control and lead me into your Truth and help me live it out.Thanks Abba

     主啊，孩子愿意做合你心意的事，可是我觉得自己做不到，求你帮助我，医治我，向我施恩，主啊，你知道孩子心里的疼痛，求你给我力量跨过这个坎儿，求你用真理、能力和爱医治我，求你大大向我施恩典和怜悯，我愿经历你的救赎和医治，愿我的生命被你完全得着。主啊，更新我的眼光，我不要再在伤害和痛苦中去看人看事看自己，主啊，帮助我在你里面合宜的看自己和他人，求主给我分辨的心使我可以弃绝谎言，帮助我与朋友相处，教导我正确健康的界限，求主带领我长大成人，阿门！

     从开始LC培训一直到送走四姨，生活似乎没有喘息，一下子不知道自己原来的生活是什么样子了，好陌生。而之前的种种仿佛梦境一样，有时候，我觉得像是在看别人演的一出戏。最近的日子太热闹，容不得思考和阅读，其实上的课并不多，但是莫名的burn out，可能没有时间读书和思考，被耗尽了吧。不知道上帝要做什么，LC的培训刚结束，四姨就来了，仿佛这是神给我送上的一个case，要我从中好好学习。事实上，我刚刚从LC的培训中拾得自己先前遗失的些许残骸，还没来得及整理，就开始了新的功课，从四姨和弟弟的互动中，我更清楚地看到自己的伤害是从何而来，童年的一幕幕真真切切的再次上演，那种熟悉的痛一次次抓住我，或许因为PTSD的缘故，不算太强烈，我现在对疼痛的感觉仿佛隔着什么，不太真切，就像是小针尖扎扎心的那种感觉。上帝到底要我做什么呢？开始没有安全感了，还是有些不安分了？或者是不自信？看到上帝在这些孩子们身上所做的工，我怎么能放弃呢？然而我是不是也要为自己打算一下了？就这样一辈子吗？最近生活太杂乱，我想静静的和神亲近，没有别人，就是我和他。上帝啊，我的心快干了，帮助我吧，浇灌我吧。我好想你，好需要你，好渴慕你的爱。天父啊，我想谈恋爱了，想结婚生小孩，想经历一个人要经历的一切，你帮我啊，你给我们的人生那么多的恩典和祝福，我要紧紧跟随你，不要再离开你了，主啊，求你使我不要忘记，你在我身上所做的大事，不要使我忘记你对我的拯救和一切的恩典与爱，你那样爱了我，现在你的爱也不改变，求你使我紧紧抓住你的应许，做你喜悦的事，让我在你的爱里成熟起来吧。主啊，我爱你！！为生命当中发生的一切感谢你，为所有的亲人朋友感谢你，为婷婷感谢你，为我的学生们还有他们的家长感谢你，主啊，你一直做工直到如今，你若不向我们显明你的作为，我们怎么能了解呢？主啊，只愿一生服侍你，求主带领前面的路，保守我的心。谢谢主！！

 

Dear Lord, there are so many people suffering, why you chose to heal me? I am so blessed and thankful!

Dear Father, keep me waiting in You patiently for the Mr. Right. Give me Faith. I love you!

   Dear Lord, I didn't take good care of my stuff and believed people's irrespnosible words, which might be part of the reason why I lost my bike today. I felt really sad when I didn't see my bike where it should be as usual. At that very moment, I thought I was not blessed by You, or maybe I have done something wrong and this was the punishment of that, but actually they were not connected, these were lies from the evil one. Please help me fight Satan back with Truth.

   Dear Father, thank You for giving me the opportunity to have such training, You know me best, please help me be the one You want me to. Dear Father, You made us differently, which is Your good will, please help me appreciate that and help me cope with different people. You know, I get quite easily offended by those powerful people and their unrespectful and pushy ways, I don't know how to respond wisely and what You want me to do, please teach me the right thing. And I shared with Steven this evening what I had learnt in the program. Then I thought maybe I should ask you to open the gate of opportunities so that I can share more with my students and their parents, yes, please help me know my ministry and what my service is? 

   There is another thing I want to confess, Lord. I alway feel insecure these days. The students have great impact on my life, you know, I got disturbed by the thought whether they will go on with my classes or not. Once I lost in that thought, there was no joy and peace at all. It seems that I still try to find other security away from you. How stupid I am! Please help me live out the truth!

   One more thing is whether I should stay at Zion or leave for the Trinity? I have no idea whether I can keep calm and cool when I see that couple. Maybe I still need more time, I don't know. How I wish I could be free from such fear and hurt. Yes, nothing can burt you except what is in you. There might be somthing unfinished therefore I will get hurt. Lord I don't know how to deal with that, but You do. Lead my way!

   P.S. Is it a good idea for me to buy another bike?